In the following pages, lists of negative and positive feelings, and false and true images of God and self are given. The feelings and images mentioned are common enough, but they are no more than illustrations selected from the much more varied experiences of actual individuals.[1]

1.    Negative feelings are experienced by everyone

It is important to notice your “black” feelings. It is alright and not a sin to experience negative feelings.

2.    Patterns of negative feelings may suggest themes for prayer

If you have a recurrent set of negative feelings (that is, a persistent return of the same kind of feelings), this might indicate the graces you need from God and what theme, what Scripture passages, might be useful for you to pray over.

3.    False images of God are linked to negative feelings

Traditionally Jews and Christians have warned against the worship of idols. Idols are false images of God. But here the phrase refers to imaginative forms at work within your own soul, rather than in the outside world. We are not usually conscious in a direct way of the false images that influence us. But our negative feelings in religious matters may lead us to new discoveries, to clarify what we have only vaguely sensed, about the way the divine mystery in our lives is subjectively “shaped” and narrowed by false images. If progress is made in recognizing a false image of God, the power of that false image begins to weaken. It may not disappear altogether until it is replaced by a better image.

4.    False images of self are usually linked to false images of God

Our relationship with divine mystery tends to be an interpersonal polarity, and corresponding to a false image of God at the upper end of the pole, we will usually find a false image of one’s self at the lower end. For example, if you feel God is like a “cold father”, you may feel yourself to be a “neglected child”. Such false self-images need to be identified in all their particularity in order to get free of any self-pity, anger, or bitterness that holds them in place. They are not always easy to dislodge — they often have been “in possession” of your soul for too long a time.

5.    True images of God are given in the Eight Themes

It is not enough to clean out false images from your spiritual cupboard. The beautiful and true images of God revealed to us in Scripture need to be recognized, brought gladly into our hearts, and given the place of honor in the heights of our spirit. You cannot do without images — those subjective structures of the human imagination that mediate and enable experiences of the divine mystery. But in Jesus Christ, the Divine Word, all the self-revealing acts of God were taken up and brought to their fullest symbolic power. Jesus is God’s self-image. God’s self-image is inexhaustible because God exceeds the limits of human receptivity. In the whole Bible, therefore, but especially in the Gospels, true images of God are expressed and given to us in a rich variety of situations, actions, and interpersonal exchanges. Pray with Scripture passages that bring true images of God into your deepest soul, and you will find healing and growth.

6.    True images of self may also need attention

As prayer with the “Eight Themes” proceeds, you may discover which false images afflict and inhibit you. It is hoped that God will provide you with new self-images which may replace any old ones which have come to light and have begun to wither. Sometimes we have to “bend the iron the wrong way” by strongly emphasizing the true self-image: “I am a chosen person.” “I am a beloved disciple of Jesus.” “I am a beautiful holy being”.

7.    Your true images of God and self may be associated with your Name of Grace

If you are making headway with true images of God and of self, you will usually begin to experience positive feelings more often. The lists of feelings and images given in the two models are merely examples of what you might experience. In practice, you will probably have diverse images of God and self. Maybe your true images of God and self will give you a sense of your unique Name of Grace.

[1] John Wickham, SJ “Appendix A: Eight Themes for Prayer with Scripture” in Prayer Companions^’ Handbook. Ignatian Centre Publications, Montreal, Quebec Canada Third Edition, 1991, p. 200ff.

TABLE 1: False Images of God and Self

TABLE 2: True Images of God and Self

TABLE 3: Prayer themes, graces and scripture readings

HERE IS ANOTHER WAY to understand the idea of Identity —> Vocation —> Mission = Name of Grace. In an article entitled Now I Become Myself, Parker Palmer writes:

“It can take a long time to become the person one has always been. Often in the process we mask ourselves in faces that are not our own. There can be much dissolving and shaking of ego to endure before we discover our deep identity — the true self within every human being that is the seed of authentic vocation. We hear a lot about vocation in the church. Vocation, or calling, is sometimes seen as coming from a voice external to ourselves, a voice of moral demand that asks us to become someone we are not yet — someone different, someone better, someone just beyond our reach. That concept of vocation is rooted in a deep distrust of selfhood, in the belief that the sinful self will always be “selfish” unless corrected by external forces of virtue. It is a notion that can make us feel inadequate to the task of living our own lives, creating guilt about the distance between who we are and who we are supposed to be, leaving us exhausted as we labor to close the gap. But there is another way of looking at vocation — not as a goal to be achieved but as a gift to be received. Discovering vocation does not mean scrambling toward some prize just beyond my reach but accepting the treasure of true self I already possess. Vocation does not come from a voice “out there” calling me to become what I am not. It comes from a voice “in here” calling me to be the person I was born to be, to fulfill the original selfhood given me at birth by God.

“The birthright gift
 It is a strange gift, this birthright gift of self. Accepting it turns out to be even more demanding than attempting to become someone else. We sometimes respond to that demand by ignoring the gift, or hiding it, or fleeing from it, or squandering it. There is a Hasidic tale that reveals, with amazing brevity, both the universal tendency to want to be someone else and the ultimate importance of becoming one’s self. Rabbi Zusya, when he was an old man, said, “In the coming world, they will not ask me: ‘Why were you not Moses?’ They will ask me: ‘Why were you not Zusya?’”

“We arrive in this world with birthright gifts — then we spend the first half of our lives abandoning them or letting others disabuse us of them. As young people, we are surrounded by expectations that may have little to do with who we really are, expectations held by people who are not trying to discern our selfhood but to fit us into slots. In families, schools, workplaces and religious communities, we are trained away from true self toward images of acceptability; under social pressures like racism and sexism our original shape is deformed beyond recognition; and we ourselves, driven by fear, too often betray true self to gain the approval of others. We are disabused of original giftedness in the first half of our lives. Then — if we are awake, aware and able to admit our loss — we spend the second half trying to recover and reclaim the gift we once possessed.

“Wearing other people’s faces
 When we lose track of true self, how can we pick up the trail? One way is to seek clues in stories from our younger years, years when we lived closer to our birthright gifts. From the beginning, our lives lay down clues to selfhood and vocation, though the clues may be hard to decode. But trying to interpret them is profoundly worthwhile — especially when we are in our forties or fifties, feeling profoundly lost, having wandered, or been dragged, far away from our birthright gifts.”Wearing other people’s faces
 When we lose track of true self, how can we pick up the trail? One way is to seek clues in stories from our younger years, years when we lived closer to our birthright gifts. From the beginning, our lives lay down clues to selfhood and vocation, though the clues may be hard to decode. But trying to interpret them is profoundly worthwhile — especially when we are in our forties or fifties, feeling profoundly lost, having wandered, or been dragged, far away from our birthright gifts.

“Those clues are helpful in counteracting the conventional concept of vocation, which insists that our lives must be driven by “oughts.” As noble as that may sound, we do not find our callings by conforming ourselves to some abstract moral code. We find our callings by claiming authentic selfhood, by being who we are, by dwelling in the world as Zusya rather than straining to be Moses. The deepest vocational question is not “What ought I to do with my life?” It is the more elemental and demanding “Who am I? What is my nature?”

“Everything in the universe has a nature, which means limits as well as potentials, a truth well known by people who work daily with the things of the world. Making pottery, for example, involves more than telling the clay what to become. The clay presses back on the potter’s hands, telling her what it can and cannot do — and if she fails to listen, the outcome will be both frail and ungainly. Engineering involves more than telling materials what they must do. If the engineer does not honor the nature of the steel or the wood or the stone, his or her failure will go well beyond aesthetics: the bridge or the building will collapse and put human life in peril.

“The human self also has a nature, limits as well as potentials. If you seek vocation without understanding the material you are working with, what you build with your life will be ungainly and may well put lives in peril, your own and some of those around you. “Faking it” in the service of high values is no virtue and has nothing to do with vocation. It is an ignorant, sometimes arrogant, attempt to override one’s nature, and it will always fail.

“Joining self and service
 Our deepest calling is to grow into our own authentic selfhood, whether or not it conforms to some image of who we ought to be. As we do so, we will not only find the joy that every human being seeks — we will also find our path of authentic service in the world. True vocation joins self and service, as Frederick Buechner asserts:

“By and large a good rule for finding out is this: the kind of work God usually calls you to is the kind of work (a) that you need most to do and (b) that the world most needs to have done. … The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.[1]

“Buechner’s definition starts with the self and moves toward the needs of the world: it begins, wisely, where vocation begins — not in what the world needs (which is everything), but in the nature of the human self, in what brings the self joy, the deep joy of knowing that we are here on earth to be the gifts that God created.

“Contrary to the conventions of our thinly moralistic culture, this emphasis on gladness and selfhood is not selfish. The Quaker teacher Douglas Steere was fond of saying that the ancient human question “Who am I?” leads inevitably to the equally important question “Whose am I?” — for there is no selfhood outside relationship. We must ask the question of selfhood and answer it as honestly as we can, no matter where it takes us. Only as we do so can we discover the community of our lives. As I learn more about the seed of true self that was planted when I was born, I also learn more about the ecosystem in which I was planted — the network of communal relations in which I am called to live responsively, accountably, and joyfully with beings of every sort. Only when I know both seed and system, self and community, can I embody the great commandment to love both my neighbor and myself.

“There are at least two ways to understand the link between selfhood and service. One is offered by the poet Rumi in his piercing observation: “If you are here unfaithfully with us, you’re causing terrible damage.” If we are unfaithful to true self, we will extract a price from others. We will make promises we cannot keep, build houses from flimsy stuff, conjure dreams that devolve into nightmares, and other people will suffer — if we are unfaithful to our true self.

Herbert Alphonso SJ writes:

the single greatest grace of my life is that I discerned my truest and deepest ‘self’, the unrepeatable uniqueness God has given to me in ‘calling me by name’… My own personal experience and my ministry of the Spirit have taught me that the deepest transformation in any person’s life takes place in the actual living out of this very ‘personal vocation’.[2]

Alphonso believes that the experience of one’s ‘fundamental consolation’, one’s ‘God-given uniqueness’, which he calls one’s ‘personal vocation’[3] is not only the ground of one’s relationship with God, but is foundational in any process of discernment. Dermot Mansfield SJ speaks of one’s ‘primordial experience’:

It is vital for any spirituality, or way of prayer, or process of spiritual accompaniment, to attend to that primordial experience, when I know that I have been called into existence to be uniquely who I am and to be sustained by that look of love. [4]

Alphonso argues that one’s personal vocation ‘becomes the criterion for discernment for every decision in life, even for the daily details of decision-making.’[5] He supports his argument reflecting on Jesus’ personal vocation, ‘captured in but one single word “Abba”.’[6] Based on his personal experience, Merton makes a similar claim: I have my own special peculiar destiny which no one else ever has had or ever will have… Because my own individual destiny is a meeting, an encounter with God, that God has destined for me alone… it is a gift of God to me which God has never given to anyone else and never will.[7]

[1] This article by Parker Palmer can be accessed at:  https://www.yesmagazine.org/issue/working-life/2001/04/01/now-i-become-myself

[1] Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking: A Seeker’s ABC, HarperOne, 1993, 118-119.

[2] Herbert Alphonso, The Personal Vocation (Rome: Centrum Ignatianum Spiritualitatis, 1990), 14. Alphonso (1930-2012) was an Indian Jesuit priest, director of the Ignatian Spirituality Centre and professor of Spiritual Theology at the Gregorian University in Rome.

[3] Alphonso, The Personal Vocation, 14.  

[4] Dermot Mansfield, “Spiritual Accompaniment and Discernment,” The Way 47, no. 1&2 (2008): 159.

[5] Ibid., 58.

[6] Ibid., 31-2.

[7] Thomas Merton in a letter to Mark van Doren, March 30, 1948. see Robert E. Daggy, ed. The Road to Joy: Letters of Thomas Merton to New and Old Friends (New York: Farrer, Straus, Giroux, 1989), 22.

Scripture 1 Corinthians. 12:4-13

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of services, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who activates all of them in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. To one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the discernment of spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. All these are activated by one and the same Spirit, who allots to each one individually just as the Spirit chooses. For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in the one Spirit we were all baptised into one body —Jews or Greeks, slaves or free —and we were all made to drink of one Spirit.      

Imaging

I imagine myself in the place where my deep gladness meets the world’s deep need.        

The grace I seek

I pray for the gift of knowing and accepting my truest and deepest self, the unrepeatable uniqueness God has given me in “calling me by name”, so that I might fully and creatively live out God’s call to me in my life.

Points for private prayer

1. Ponder your birthright gift of self. These questions might help:
   1. What did I dream of becoming when I was a child?
   1. What fascinated me?
   1. What were my hobbies and interests?
   1. Have I wandered from my birthright gifts? Did others disabuse me of them?
   1. What clues to my selfhood and vocation — though the clues may be hard to decode and interpret — were laid down in my youth?
   1. What clues might there be in my childhood to the unique, God-given meaning of my life?

Writing

Spend some time at the end of the prayer making some notes on your prayer. These questions might help.

What fills you with “deep gladness”?

• At home:
• At work:
• In creative projects:
• With other people:
• By yourself:

How do these things overlap with the deep needs of the world?

How could you give yourself more of that feeling of gladness?

What could you change in your existing roles and projects, or what new roles and projects could you pursue?

Is there anything you would need to let go of in order to find that gladness?

Scripture

Jesus said to the Pharisees: “There was a rich man who dressed in purple garments and fine linen and dined sumptuously each day. And lying at his door was a poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, who would gladly have eaten his fill of the scraps that fell from the rich man’s table. Dogs even used to come and lick his sores” (Luke 16:19-20).

Carl Jung on Self-acceptance[1]

“To accept oneself as one is may sound like a simple thing, but simple things are always the most difficult things to do. In actual life to be simple and straightforward is an art in itself requiring the greatest discipline, while the question of self-acceptance lies at the root of the moral problem and at the heart of a whole philosophy of life.

“Is there ever a doubt in my mind that it is virtuous for me to give alms to the beggar, to forgive him who offends me, yes, even to love my enemy in the name of Christ? No, not once does such a doubt cross my mind, certain as I am that what I have done unto the least of my brethren, I have done unto Christ.

“But what if I should discover that the least of all brethren, the poorest of all beggars, the most insolent of all offenders, yes even the very enemy himself—that these live within me, that I myself stand in need of the alms of my own kindness, that I am to myself the enemy who is to be loved—what then?

“Then the whole of Christian truth is turned upside down; then there is no longer any question of love and patience, then we say ‘Raca’[2] to the brother or sister within us; then we condemn and rage against ourselves! For sure, we hide this attitude from the outside world, but this does not alter the fact that we refuse to receive the least among the lowly in ourselves with open arms. And if it had been Christ himself to appear within ourselves in such a contemptible form, we would have denied him a thousand times before the cock had crowed even once!”

The grace I seek

I pray that I might love and accept myself.    

Imaging

I imagine that I am the rich person in the Gospel. I leave my house one day but, instead of ignoring the poor person covered with sores who lies at my door, I turn and look.  I discover that I know the person.  The person is me. I look at my body covered in sores with dogs licking them. How do I feel towards that person (me)? What do I do for myself? How do I speak to myself?

Points for reflection  

1. How am I growing in self-compassion?
2. How am I kind to myself?
3. Do I have a good reputation with myself?

Close with an Our Father.

[1] Carl G. Jung. Die Beziehungen der Psychotherapie zur Seelsorge  (The relationship of psychotherapy to ministry) (Zurich: Rascher & Cie., 1932).

[2] The word ‘Raca’ in Aramaic means “empty one, fool, empty head”.

Introduction

MANY PEOPLE FIND IT DIFFICULT TO LOVE THEMSELVES, TO BE SELF-COMPASSIONATE. Self-compassion can be defined as being touched by and open to your own suffering, not avoiding or disconnecting from it, generating the desire to alleviate your suffering and to treat yourself with kindness… Self-compassion also involves offering nonjudgmental understanding to your pain, inadequacies and failures, so that your experience is seen as part of the larger human experience.

You know that you are growing in self-compassion if you are:

• being kind and understanding towards yourself in instances of pain or failure rather than being harshly self-critical,
• seeing your fallibility as part of the larger human condition rather than as something that isolates you, and
• holding your painful thoughts and feelings in mindful awareness rather than avoiding them or, conversely, over-identifying with them.

Gospel  (Mark 12:28-31)

One of the teachers of religious law was standing there listening to the debate. He realized that Jesus had answered well, so he asked, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?” Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”

What I desire

I ask God for the grace to be increasingly self-compassionate.

The Loving-Kindness Meditation

1. Sit in a comfortable position with your back upright. Close your eyes and bring your attention toward your breath. Remind yourself that every living being wishes to live in peace and happiness. Connect yourself deeply to this desire: “Just as all beings desire to be happy and free from suffering, I am entitled to the same happiness and freedom from suffering”. If you wish, you may take a moment to feel what kind of emotions this intention stirs up within you.

• Repeat the following phrases in silence and serenity:

In the name of Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, may I be peaceful

In the name of Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, may I be healthy

In the name of Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, may I be happy

Take a moment to truly comprehend the meaning of each phrase. If necessary, repeat a certain phrase more than once to create more clarity. You may also choose a single word and repeat this to yourself. It is important that you devote yourself to the desiring part of the exercise: that you truly desire these things for yourself. In other words, it is about the intention, not about the results. If you notice your mind starts wandering, simply return your attention to the phrases. Don’t be harsh on yourself, it is normal to get distracted.

Gospel (Mark 1:40-42)

A leper came to him begging him, and kneeling said to him,” If you want to you can cure me.” Moved with compassion Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, and said to him, “Of course I want to. Be cured.” Immediately the leprosy left him, and he was made clean.

Imagine Jesus standing in front of you. Tell him of a specific hurt, a deep-seated resentment, or an unfreedom in your life that you want him to heal. Say to him, “If you want to you can cure me of…” Be specific in naming what it is you want him to heal. He is filled with compassion for you, and he says to you, “Of course I want to cure you of… Be cured.” He lays his hand on your head.

Imagine his light and strength moving into your mind and lighting up dark areas of misunderstanding, critical judgments, remembered rejections, and so on. When in imagination you experience that light of love flowing through your mind, let it move into your heart to free you from any fear or resentment that may have taken hold of your heart. Imagine that healing light helping you to let go of any idols that are enslaving you—especially the idol of an unforgiving, resentful attitude—and when you sense that light freeing you from darkness, imagine Jesus calling you by name and saying, ‘You are the light of the world’.

Then recall somebody you wish to pray for—possibly but not necessarily a person who has hurt you—and imagine that person being present with you. Spend some time allowing that to happen, and then lay your hands on that person. Imagine the love and light of Jesus flowing through you into that person’s mind and heart bringing healing.

After you have allowed yourself to experience the presence and love of Jesus, so that your faith, hope and love are strengthened, go back with Jesus to the scene of the hurt. Imagine him walking with you and reconciling the two of you, looking at you and looking at the other person, saying to both of you, “Love one another as I have loved you.” Linger lovingly.

Go to Calvary. Spend some time experiencing that scene and making it as vivid as you possibly can. Then go to the scene of your hurt and recapture it in detail. Be aware of your feelings. Then return to Calvary, allowing yourself to experience the pain of Calvary. Take plenty of time. Go back now to the scene of your hurt. Spend some time there, then go back to Calvary. Going back and forth, allow the love of Calvary to heal you.

Healing does not usually take place instantly but is a process. Deep pain and resentment which have developed over some time will usually take persistent prayer to heal. Often there are layers of hurt, resentment and unfreedom that need to be uncovered in prayer. Once one layer of hurt, resentment and unfreedom has been healed others may present themselves for healing. We know we are healed when we can recall the hurting experience and no longer feel the pain and the resentment.

Embrace prayer

See Jesus standing before you. See him open his arms and invite you to him. Go to him, letting him hold you. Feel his arms around you and let yourself be loved as if you were a small boy or girl in his or her father’s arms. (You may want to pray in a similar way with God the Father, or with Mary as your mother.)

Breath prayer

Sit erect, feet flat on the floor, hands on your lap, palms up without touching each other. Become aware of the openness of your hands and the air at your fingertips, between your fingers, on your palms.

Take a deep breath, as if you were breathing through your toes, and let that breath be carried up through your legs, abdominal muscles, lungs—your entire body. As you breathe in, say silently, “Lord Jesus Christ,” while taking in whatever you need from him: his peace, joy, wisdom, etc. You may want to visualize him standing before you or see him looking into your eyes. See his light and experience that light coming into your own body as you inhale his presence.

Check your body for any tension. Release the tension by tensing up a given muscle and then relaxing it or by rotating your jaw or other joint. As you exhale, smile and breathe out whatever may have been behind that tension. With each exhalation, surrender more deeply until you hunger for Jesus as much as you hunger for air.

Prayer of Creative Imagination

Firstly, we begin with the Breath Prayer. Ask Jesus to bring you back to a time in your life when you were hurt.

Ask Jesus to help you to enter the scene until you can smell what was in the air, feel what was beneath your feet, see the faces of each person who was present and hear what each was saying. Continue this until you experience with Jesus some of the pain and destruction from this hurt.

When you have felt some of the hurt, look into the compassionate eyes of Jesus and breathe out to him the pain and destruction you wish to hand over to him. Watch what he says and does to heal you and the others in the scene. Pray Jesus’ prayer for those people and for yourself.

Ask Jesus to help you live out his response.

Writing Prayer

Write a note to Jesus asking him for what you would like to have changed in your life.

Do the Breath Prayer.

Ask Jesus when he or another person in the Gospels felt this way. Write down how he responds to you.

Ask Jesus to help you to live out his response.

Release Prayer

Do the Breath Prayer. Then, cup your hands and place in them a person you are concerned about.

Tell the Father or Jesus about all that you long to have happen for that person. With each request, squeeze your hands more tightly as if you were squeezing into that person all that you long to give.

When you have said it all, open your hands and release the person into the hands of God the Father or Jesus. Watch what God the Father says or does for the person. Be ready for surprises.

Petition

Quieten yourself in preparation for petitionary prayer…

Forgive each person against whom you have a grievance… Say to each one in imagination, “I forgive you with all my heart in the name of Jesus Christ, just as the Lord has forgiven me…”

Now ask the Lord to fill your heart with the faith that makes petitionary prayer omnipotent… “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.”

Then ask for the gift you want from the Lord: health, success in some enterprise…

Imagine the Lord giving this gift to you and imagine yourself joyfully praising him for this…

Journaling

Write down what is in your heart. Write as if you were writing a letter to your best friend—Jesus—sharing what you feel most deeply. Don’t worry about having the “right” words, but only try to share your heart. Begin as you would a letter, Dear Jesus,

Now get in touch with Jesus’ response to you, as he is already speaking to you within. You might do this by asking what are the most loving words that you want him to say to you in response, or perhaps by imagining that what you have just written is a note to you from the person you love most, and you want to respond to that person in the most loving possible words.

Write Jesus’ response. Perhaps it will be just one word or one sentence. You can be sure that anything you write which helps you to know more that you are loved is not just your own thoughts or imagination but is really what Jesus wants to say to you.

Leaving a hurt with Jesus

If you get in touch with a hurt that you find is just too painful to think about, simply ask Jesus to heal that part of you and to fill it with his light. Then leave that part of yourself in Jesus’ hands, without pushing yourself to focus on it or think about it any longer. You might want to do this before going to sleep at night, or as you go forward at the Eucharist to receive Holy Communion. At that time, you can say the words, “Only say the word, and I shall be healed.” You invite Jesus into this part of your life and then leave it in his hands.

Note: Only go as deeply into a hurt as you can while continuing to feel loved. When you feel only pain and no love, you have probably gone too far, and it is best to simply leave the hurt in Jesus’ hands as suggested above.

Prayer of abandonment and betrayal

Once you are in touch with a feeling of being abandoned or betrayed, cry out to the Father with Jesus on the cross, “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” Continue until you are crying out these words with the same intensity, volume and feeling as Jesus.

After crying out as Jesus did, find the part of your body that feels most tense and most abandoned. Be present to that part of your body and to any memories or situations that trigger the feeling of abandonment. Breathe out into God the Father’s hands anything that might be behind the tension and the feeling of being abandoned. Continue to do this until that part of you become relaxed.

Ask the Father what is the next simple step in dealing with the feeling of being abandoned, so that more and more every cell of your relaxed body might pray, as Jesus did, “Into your hands I commend my spirit.”

Eucharist for another

At Mass, forgive one person by praying for him or her throughout the liturgy and receiving Communion for that person.

Praying the Rosary as you walk

As you walk, say the whole rosary, or just a decade of the rosary, for a person who has hurt you.

WHY IS IT THAT OUR CRIME RATE SOARS and our prisons are packed, and the rate of mental illness has soared to such an extent that the mentally ill now occupy one out of every six hospital beds? Dr Karl Menninger, psychiatrist and the founder of the famous Menninger Clinic, answers in Whatever became of sin? that our prisons and mental institutions are bulging because the modern man and woman cannot discover their sin. Menninger pleads that we again make the healthy discovery that we are sinners, because a sinner is one who says, “I am responsible for my unloving actions and I can change.” When we hurt ourselves or another, we have the choice of ignoring it and letting the destructive pattern continue, or of recognizing the evil and correcting it.  Menninger lays out three options for altering a destructive pattern of behaviour:

• Imprisonment. Imprisonment is based on the assumption that we are responsible, but that we can’t change. We need to be incarcerated to contain our destructive patterns of behaviour.
• Mental hospitalisation. Mental hospitalisation is based on the assumption that we are mentally ill, and that we don’t know the evil that we are doing.
• Responsible sinners. The third, and only healthy option, is to see ourselves as healthy and responsible sinners who want to change and who can, with God’s grace, change. The power to change comes when, as healthy sinners, we hate the sin and love the sinner. If we do not hate our sin, we become insensitive to our sin rather than anxious to correct it. If we do not love the sinner, we become depressed and scrupulous with no power to correct our destructiveness.

How can we discover our sin?

It is healthy but difficult to discover our sin. One way to get in touch with our sinfulness—and especially that which we cannot forgive in ourselves—is to note where we overreact to others. Often we overreact to the evil in another because the evil is in us. As Jesus says in Matthew’s Gospel,

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye’, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite! First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” (Mt. 7:3-5)

You might spend some time prayerfully considering where you overreact to others.

Every sin is the distortion or misuse of what was originally given to me as a gift by God.

For instance:

Prayer to find the gift in my sinfulness

Ask Jesus to help you get in touch with what you feel is your greatest sin. Ask Jesus to reveal to you the gift that lies beneath this sin. Ask Jesus to redeem this part of you, restoring what you understand as your sin to the gift that it was originally intended to be. With your breathing, inhale the light of Jesus with each breath. Exhale the fear, darkness and the hurt that have caused this gift to become distorted and sinful.

AN UNWILLINGNESS TO FORGIVE OTHERS for the real or imaginary wrongs they have done us is a poison that affects our health—physical, emotional, and spiritual—sometimes very deeply.  (It can affect our family and community life and our work and social life). 

Here is a simple way of ridding yourself of resentments that you may be nursing:

First, imagine that you see the person you resent there in front of you. Tell him or her of your resentment, and express all your anger to him or her as forcefully as you can. Do not baulk at your choice of words!

After expressing all your resentment, but only after, look at the whole incident that caused the resentment from the other person’s point of view. Take the other person’s place and explain the whole thing.  How does the incident look when seen through his or her eyes?

Another way of ridding yourself of anger and resentment is this:

Imagine, that you see Jesus on the Cross…Take all the time you need to picture him in vivid detail…

Now go to the scene of your resentment…Stay with it for a while… Then return to Jesus crucified and gaze at him again… Keep alternating between the event that caused your resentment and the scene of Jesus on the Cross…until you notice the resentment slipping away from you and feel the freedom, joy and light-heartedness that follows. 

[1] Anthony de Mello, Sadhana— a way to God.