AT FIRST GLANCE THIS EXERCISE, in which you imagine yourself on your deathbed, seems morbid. But it can also be clarifying. When you imagine yourself dying and ask: “What should I have done?” you begin to see why it is so effective. Sometimes, we make a choice that is easier now but which we know we will regret in the long term. The old saying that no one on his deathbed ever said, “I wish I had spent more time at the office,” captures some of this insight.
Scripture
“Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered—how fleeting my life is” (Psalm 39:4).
Exercise
Imagine that you are dying… You are bedridden… Where are you?… Take a good look at your surroundings… What kind of a life are you leading now?… How do you spend your day?…
Imagine it is evening and you are left alone… How do you feel about the fact that you do not have much longer to live?… that you can no longer be active?…
In the solitude that is now yours look back on your life… Recall some happy moments…
Recall some of the sad moments… What do you feel now as you look back on them from the perspective of death?…
Recall some of the important decisions that you made, decisions that affected your life or the lives of others. Are you pleased or sorry you made them?… Are there decisions you feel you ought to have made and did not?…
Spend some time now remembering the significant people in your life… What faces come most readily to your mind?… What do you feel as you think of each of these persons?…
If you had to give just one piece of advice to your friends or say just one sentence to them in farewell what would you say?…
After a while turn to Christ. Imagine him standing at your bedside and speak to him…
We left La Panadella before 9.00am and walked for 16 km to Jorba where we had Mass and lunch in a pilgrim hostel run by the local parish priest(a chef for many years before he became a priest, and the food provided was excellent). After Mass and lunch, we walked another 7 km to Igualada, population 38,918.
Much of the way today was along highways
However, there was some greenery along the wayJosep Lluis Iriberri explaining the details a a pilgrim refuge where Saint Ignatius almost certainly stayedThe actual refuge with one (open) window
As we were walking, some of us were keeping tabs on the Australian Football League Grand Final between Collingwood and Brisbane at the Melbourne Cricket Ground. Collingwood won by four points, much to the delight of Peter Davine who follows Collingwood. When we had our first break, some of us sang the Collingwood theme song:
Collingwood’s win in the Grand Final was celebrated on the Ignatian Camino
Our guide, Josep Lluis Iriberri SJ, said Mass for us at the pilgrim hostel
After mass, we had an excellent lunch. (L-R) Joe Napolitano, Paul, Walczyk, Nicola Reynolds, Katherine Stewart, John Egner, Bob Foley, Paddy Mugavin, Michael Smith, Peter Davine, Jim Strickler, and Don Stewart.
As we left Jorba, we had our first view of Montserrat in the distance
As we walked closer to Igualada, Montserrat began to loom. We will be at the Benedictine monastery there by tomorrow afternoon.
The group is staying in a brand-new pilgrim hostel which has excellent facilities. They even have a display of the sort of clothing that Saint Ignatius would have worn as a pilgrim.
IT IS SAID THAT THERE ARE TWO DRIVING FORCES BEHIND THE PERSON known as “you”:
nature and nurture
Some argue that our genetics determine our behavior. Our personality traits and abilities are in our nature. Others argue that our environment, upbringing, and life experiences determine our behavior. But, according to the Canadian personality psychologist Brian R. Little, there’s a third driving force that shapes our personality:
our projects.
For example:
Occupational/Work:
Make sure the department budget is done
Interpersonal:
Have dinner with my friend
Maintenance:
Get a cartridge for my printer
Recreational:
Take cruising holiday
Health/Body:
Lose ten kilograms
Intrapersonal:
Try to deal with my sadness
Our projects shape our personalities. Human flourishing is contingent upon the sustainable pursuit of core projects.
“Human well-being is contingent upon well-doing.”
Your projects provide shape and content to your life. They shape your life by creating commitments that provide direction and coherence.
What you do affects who you are
Personal projects are about the future — they point us forward, they guide us.
By tracing their route, we can map the most intimate of terrains — ourselves.
We can learn to adjust our trajectories, riding over the rough patches and extending the smooth stretches to make our endeavors more effective.
Projects help define us by shaping our capacity for a flourishing life.
As your projects go, so goes your life.
Analyzing your personal projects may also help you to discern your God-given Name of Grace. Personal projects are constituent elements of our daily lives. They can range from the seemingly inconsequential acts (for example, ‘Take the dog for a walk,’ ‘Get a haircut’) to the overarching commitments of our lives (for example, ‘Accompany my mother on her journey through Alzheimer’s,’ ‘Found an organization to reach out to Sudanese refugee families’).
Personal projects can be formally defined as “extended sets of personally salient action in context”. Each term can be delineated as follows:
Extended: A project is not a momentary act, but typically a sequence that is extended in space and time (minutes, hours, days, or years).
Set: A project encompasses a series of actions that are considered interrelated by the project pursuer.
Personally salient: A project is a noteworthy aspect of the life of the person who pursues it, and can be defined as such only by that person.
Action: A project is not a passive response to external forces but an intentional sequence of behavior involving cognitive, affective, conative[1], and volitional processes.
In context: A project is enacted in physical, social, cultural, and temporal contexts that can facilitate or thwart project pursuit.[2]
You will experience more well-being if your projects are more meaningful, manageable, positively connected with others, and associated with more positive affect relative to negative affect.
All of us have a number of personal projects at any given time that we think about, plan for, carry out, and sometimes (though not always) complete. Some projects may be focused on achievement (“Get my arts degree”) others on the process (“Enjoy a night out with friends”); they may be things we choose to do or things we have to do; they may be things we are working towards. Projects may be related to any aspect of your daily life, your family, leisure and community, and others. Please think of projects in this broad way.
Our personal projects and God’s Project in our world
GOD, THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE, CONTINUES TO ACT IN THE UNIVERSE. For Saint Ignatius of Loyola God was Deus operarius, “God the worker” who is continually at work in the world. We can think of the Universe as the one action of God the Creator, and ourselves as created agents who have the freedom to determine the future by our decisions and actions. So, our intentions need to be in harmony with God’s intentions. God’s intention, it seems, is that all human beings live as brothers and sisters in a community of faith, hope, and love, united with Jesus as sons and daughters of God our Father, and in harmony with the whole created universe.
We need to discern the mystery of God at work in the world through prayer, reflection, and contemplation. Ignatian spirituality is apostolic, which means that
“Our contemplation of the Gospel is incomplete until the graces we receive in prayer are incarnated (made real) in history. Ignatian spirituality is taking our graces, our inspirations, and our holy desires to serve God, and transforming them into action in everyday life.”
In an apostolic spirituality, all the particular spiritual practices I engage in are for the sake of uniting me to God as the one who is engaged in a tremendous project in our world, who is laboring that it be transformed and brought into final union with the divine. All the projects and practices of an apostolic person seek to unite the person to God’s project, the reign of God. This is the profound dream and desire God yearns to realize in the world and beyond it, but not without our creative cooperation.[3]
Here is a way of reflecting on your personal projects
Take 10-15 minutes and write down as many personal projects and activities you can that you are currently engaged in or considering — remember these need not be formal projects or even important ones — make sure you include the everyday kinds of activities or concerns that characterize your life at present.
Now select 10 projects from your list that you feel are important to you or typical of your life and copy them onto the matrix on page 26. If you have many more than 10 such projects, choose those that you expect to be actively working on in the next couple of months.
Once you have written in all 10 projects you may begin to reflect on them.
What do you think about what you are doing?
How do you feel about what you are doing?
To what extent is each project consistent with the values that guide your life?
To what extent do you become engrossed or deeply involved in each project?
Identity. All of us have things we do that we feel are typical or truly expressive of us. These things can be thought of as our “trademarks”. For example, some people engage in sports every chance they get, others prefer to read, others prefer to socialize. Think of what your own personal “trademarks” are, and then rate each project on the extent to which it is typical of you.
Longer-term projects
Some personal projects exist in isolation, but most are usually undertaken as a part of a larger, longer-term goal. On the next page, you will see a series of bank columns. In the first column please write down your ten most important projects. For each project ask yourself: “What longer-term or larger-scale project (or goal) is this project a part of?” or simply “Why am I working on this project?” For example, if one of your initial projects was “Work to build community”, you might ask yourself what larger project will building community help you with (or why do you want to build community)? You might decide it is linked to the bigger project such as “reach out, as a community, to the homeless in our area”.
When you have decided which larger project(s) your initial project is related to, note it (or them) down in the blank areas in the next column (to the right) that are joined by arrows to the original project. If there is only one longer-term project related to your initial project, leave the other lines blank. You may also decide there is no larger project connected with your initial project, in which case go on to project 2. For example, if your initial project was “Be a better father”, you might decide that it does not relate to any larger project, but stands on its own.
Next look at the one or two higher-order projects you have written out in column 2 and for each of these, ask yourself the same question: “What longer-term or larger-scale project (or goal) is this project a part of?”
For example: If your first project was “Work to build community” and the higher order project was “toreach out, as a community, to the homeless in our area”, you would now ask yourself: “Why do I want to reach out to the homeless?” And the answer might be, “To help homeless people to recognize their inherent dignity” and ultimately, “To work with God to bring about his Kingdom”. For each of the projects in the second column decide on whether there is a larger goal associated with that project and then write it in the appropriate space in the column to the right. Once you have completed this column, continue until you find that you have reached the highest-order (longest-term, largest-scale) project associated with your original project #1.
For example: An original project of “Pass my Canon Law unit” could possibly be related to a series of larger projects:
Personal project
Column 2
Column 3
Column 4
Column 5
Work to build community
To reach out, as a community, to the homeless in our area
To help homeless people to recognize their inherent dignity
Bring the Good News to the poor
Work with God to bring about God’s Kingdom
Learn to SCUBA dive
To challenge myself
Meet a different group of people
Explore the sea and photograph different animals
Grow in awe and wonder at the beauty of God’s creation
Understand postmodernism
Comprehend the context in which young people live
Learn new ways of evangelisation in a post-Christian world
Bring the Good News to people
Learn new ways of evangelization in a post-Christian world
Table 5: What larger-scale project is each of my personal projects a part of?
Before reaching the place chosen for the meditation, pause for a moment and put yourself in the presence of God: make an interior act of adoration and an exterior one as well, if possible.
PREPARATORY PRAYER
In the preparatory prayer I will beg God our Lord for grace that all my intentions, actions and operations may be directed purely to the praise and service of His Divine Majesty. Then I do the following:
FIRST PRELUDE. This is the history of the mystery: A very sick woman touched Jesus and was healed.
SECOND PRELUDE. This is a mental representation of the place: A crowded outdoor setting.
THIRD PRELUDE. The third, to ask for what I want: it will be to ask for interior knowledge of the Lord, that I may more love him and follow him.
Now there was a woman who had suffered from a haemorrhage for twelve years; after long and painful treatment under various doctors, she had spent all she had without being any the better for it, in fact she was getting worse. She had heard about Jesus, and she came up behind him through the crowd and touched his cloak. “If I can touch even his clothes,” she had told herself, “I shall be well again”. And the source of the bleeding dried up instantly, and she felt in herself that she was cured of her complaint. Immediately aware that power had gone out from him, Jesus turned around in the crowd and said, “Who touched my clothes?” His disciples said to him, “You see how the crowd is pressing around you and yet you say, ‘Who touched me?’ ” But he continued to look around to see who had done it. Then the woman came forward, frightened and trembling because she knew what had happened to her, and she fell at his feet and told him the whole truth. “My daughter,” he said, “your faith has restored you to health; go in peace and be free from your complaint” (Mk 5:25-34).
FIRST POINT. This will consist in seeing the persons. Maybe I will make myself the woman in the story. Then I will reflect on myself that I may reap some fruit.
SECOND POINT. This is to consider, observe, and contemplate what the persons are saying, and then to reflect on myself and draw some fruit from it.
THIRD POINT. This will be to see and consider what they are doing.
COLLOQUY. The exercise should be closed with a colloquy. I will think over what I ought to say to the Three Divine Persons, or to the eternal Word incarnate, or to His Mother, our Lady. According to the light that I have received, I will beg for grace to follow and imitate more closely our Lord, who has just become man for me.
PRAYER. In the preparatory prayer I will beg God our Lord for grace that all my intentions, actions, and operations may be directed purely to the praise and service of His Divine Majesty.
FIRST PRELUDE. This will consist in calling to mind the history of the subject I have to contemplate.
SECOND PRELUDE. This is a mental representation of the place.
THIRD PRELUDE.This will be to ask for what I desire. Here it will be to ask for the grace to be glad and rejoice intensely because of the great joy and the glory of Christ our Lord.
Gospel (John 21: 1 – 19)
Afterward, Jesus appeared again to his disciples, by the Sea of Galilee. It happened this way: Simon Peter, Thomas (also known as Didymus), Nathanael from Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples were together. “I’m going out to fish,” Simon Peter told them, and they said, “We’ll go with you.” So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing. Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus. He called out to them, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?” “No,” they answered. He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish. Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards.When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread. Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish you have just caught.” So Simon Peter climbed back into the boat and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead. When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.” Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.” The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”
FIRST POINT. He appeared to His disciples by the Sea of Galilee.
SECOND POINT. He had breakfast with them.
THIRD POINT. He speaks personally with Peter and reconciles Peter.
FOURTH POINT. This will be to consider the divinity, which seemed to hide itself during the passion, now appearing and manifesting itself so miraculously in the most holy Resurrection in its true and most sacred effects.
FIFTH POINT. Consider the office of consoler that Christ our Lord exercises, and compare it with the way in which friends are wont to console each other.
COLLOQUY. Close with a colloquy, or colloquies, as the circumstances suggest, and at the end say the Our Father.
SOMETIMES YOUR FAVOURITE PASSAGES OR VERSES OF SCRIPTURE can give you a hint about your Name of Grace. You prepare for this prayer by writing out in your journal your favorite verses or passages from Scripture — those that speak to your heart. They might be from the Old or New Testaments.
Gospel invitations. Your favorite verse of Scripture may be one of the invitations that Jesus addressed to people in the Gospel.
Statements of Jesus like,
“Come, follow me…
“Come and see...”
“Feed my lambs…“
“Launch out into the deep…”
“I shall make fishers of people.“
“Watch and pray…”
Questions like,
“Who do you say that I am?…
“Do you love me?…
“Do you believe that I can do this?…
“What do you want me to do for you?…
“Do you want to be cured?… “
“Leave everything you own and come follow me.”
Choose your favorite invitations of the Lord and begin the exercise:
Imagine you see the risen Lord before you…Then imagine you hear him address to you one of those phrases, for instance, “Come and see…”
Do not respond immediately… Hear him repeat the words again and again… Let the words resound in your whole being…
Keep listening to the words… Let them challenge you, awaken you, provoke you to respond… until you can hold back your response no longer. Then say to the Lord what your heart dictates.
Other verses of Scripture: Your favorite verse of Scripture may be from the Old or New Testaments. For example:
“God you are my God, for you I long. For you my soul is thirsting, like a dry, weary land without water” (Psalm 63).
“Do not be afraid I have redeemed you. I have called you by your name you are mine” (Isaiah 43:1).
“You are precious in my eyes, you are honoured and I love you.” (Isaiah 43:4). “All I want is to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and to share in his sufferings by reproducing the pattern of his death” (Philippians 3:10). “…knowing the love of Christ, which is beyond all knowledge, you are filled with the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:19).
Listen to the words… Let them challenge you, awaken you, provoke you to response… until you can hold back your response no longer. Then say to God what your heart dictates.
A devout and frequent reading of the Scriptures brings richness to your prayer and to your life. You will gradually discover some passages and phrases through which the Lord seems to communicate with you in a special way. Perhaps this will be an indication of your Name of Grace?
And frequently, in time of distress and need, or joy or solitude, the Lord will say those words again to your heart and make contact with you. And your heart will burn as did the hearts of the disciples of Emmaus when they heard the Lord explain the Scriptures to them.
Questions to reflect on and write about after the prayer:
What happened in the prayer?
Do these passages say anything to you about your Name of Grace?
The formulation in words of your Name of Grace sounds very general to those who read it or hear it. What it says, however, to the particular individual whose Name of Grace it is, is unrepeatably unique. The Name of Grace is the unique, God-given meaning in a person’s life. The Name of Grace is the secret unity and integration at the heart level of a whole life precisely because it is the unique God-given meaning in life.
We had an 18 km walk from Verdu to Cervera. The temperature was 30 degrees centigrade and there was a steep climb up to Cervera. We walked for just an hour to Tàrrega where we stopped to visit the Church of Santa Maria de l’Alba. It was an exquisite example of an old church which has been refurbished beautifully.
Walking early in the morning with Joe Napolitanoand Paul Walczyk
Walking down into Tarrega
Shade was at a premium today, and we tried to find some when we stopped each hour
We visited a church that was burned down during the Spanish Civil War and reconstructed
We met a man in one of the squares in Tarrega who had his dog wearing a hat and sunglasses
Walking through one of the small villages on the way. (L-R) Joe Napolitano, Bob Foley and Peter Davine ahead
Some of the day we walked on bitumen which reflected the heat
Don and Katherine Stewart, Paddy Mugavin, Peter Davine, John Egner, with Bob Foley and Nicola Reynolds in the background seeking some shade during our break
There is extensive irrigation in this area, but the water levels are low because there has been a drought for three years
Joe Napolitano and I can see the town of Cervera in the distance, but it is still 1.5 hours of walking in the heat away
Katherine Stewart, Jim Strickler, and Tim Voelkel explore Cervera in the early evening
IN THIS PRAYER YOU INVENT MANY NAMES FOR JESUS. Imitate the Psalmist who was not satisfied with the usual names of God like Lord, Saviour, King, but, with the creativity that comes to a heart full of love, invents new ones. “You are my rock,” he says, “my shield, my fortress, my delight, my song …”
So, give vent to your creativity: Jesus, my joy… Jesus, my strength… Jesus, my love… Jesus, my delight… Jesus, my peace…
Each time you breathe out, recite one of these names. If a particular name appeals to you say it more than once. Or recite it once and then rest lovingly in it for a while saying nothing… then take up another name… rest in it… and move on to another…
Now comes the part of the exercise that you may find moving:
Imagine you hear Jesus inventing names for you! What do you feel when you hear him call you by these names?
People frequently turn away from listening to the loving words that Jesus is saying to them. It is more than they can take — too good to be true. So, they either hear Jesus say negative things to them like Sinner… etc., or else they go blank and hear him say nothing! They still have to discover the God whose love for them is unconditional and infinite and to let themselves feel loved by God. That is just what this exercise will help them do.
Go one step further now and imagine you hear Jesus inventing names for you — the very same names that you invented for him — except those that directly express divinity… Do not be afraid to expose yourself to the intensity of his love.
There is a facet of the personality of Christ Jesus, a “face” of Christ Jesus, which is proper to each one of us, so that each one of us can in truth speak of “my Jesus” — not just piously, but in a deep theological and doctrinal sense.
There is a profoundly interpersonal love relationship between Christ Jesus and me — one opening out onto my social responsibilities and commitments in Christian witness and mission.
Maybe the names that Jesus calls you give you a sense of your unique God-given Name of Grace…
The following reflection is one way of getting in touch with your images of God and your images of yourself:[1]
Imagine you are sitting on the top of a mountain that is overlooking a vast city. It is twilight, the sun has just set, and you notice the lights coming on in the great city… Watch them coming on until the whole city seems like a lake of lights… You are sitting there all alone, gazing at this beautiful spectacle… What are you feeling?
After a while, you hear footsteps behind you and you know that they are the footsteps of a holy man who lives in these parts, a hermit. He looks at you and gently says just one sentence to you: “If you go down to the city tonight you will find God.” Having said this, he turns around and walks away. No explanations, no time for questions…
You have a conviction that this man knows what he is talking about. What do you feel now? Do you feel like acting on his statement and going into the city? Or would you rather stay where you are?
Whatever your inclination, go down now into the city in search of God… What do you feel as you go down?
You have now come to the outskirts of the city and you have to decide where to go to search for God and find him… Where do you decide to go? Please follow the dictates of your heart in choosing the place you go to. Don’t be guided by what you think you ‘ought’ to do, or go to where you ‘ought’ to go. Just go where your heart tells you to go….
What happens when you arrive at this place?… What do you find there?… What do you do there?… What happens to you?… Do you find God there?… In what way?… Or are you disappointed?…. What do you do then?… Do you choose to go somewhere else?… Or do you just stay where you are?…
Now change the fantasy. Choose some symbol for God; anything that for you symbolizes God best — the face of a child, a star, a flower, a tranquil lake… What symbol do you choose?…. Take your time in choosing it. Having chosen your symbol, stand reverently in front of it… What are you feeling as you gaze at this symbol?… Say something to it… Now imagine that it speaks back to you. What does it say?
I want you to become this symbol… and, having become this symbol look at yourself standing out there reverently…. What do you feel as you see yourself from the viewpoint and attitude of the symbol?… Now return to yourself standing there in front of the symbol… Stay for a while in silent contemplation… then say goodbye to your symbol… knowing that you can and will come back to it… Take a minute or two for this and then end the exercise.
It may be helpful to write down or draw your personal image or metaphor, and your image or symbol of God in your journal.
[1] This prayer exercise is from Anthony de Mello’s book Sadhana— A Way to God. Anand, India: Gujarat Sahitya Prakash, 1988.
Walking with Inigo — The Ignatian Camino 